Tough topic, and yet another one that’s been on my mind a lot lately. As a writer, I thought this would be easier. But believe me…it’s really not. Some lines of communication are open, and its easy. Others are very difficult, closed even, and confusion and misunderstanding is so common place that it makes me question the sense in persevering. Yet I do persevere. I do keep trying. Because the alternative is unthinkable for me.
So I try to continue keeping the lines of communication open and hope that I’ll be understood. I keep trying to find ways to say the things I need to say when certain words don’t seem to be enough. When the message is misunderstood, and feelings get hurt.
Sometimes when I’m emotional like this I can’t even decipher what’s going on in my own head. For those of you who know me well…that might not come as any surprise to you. But my way of figuring myself out is to write. The more emotionally troubled I am, the more poetry I write. I don’t think about the poems. I don’t actually sit down with the intention of writing them, they pour out of my brain when they feel like it. The tumble out and I write them on the back of ticket stubs, paper napkins, coasters…one time even toilet paper. TMI, right? Sorry.
But what I’m trying to say is that these poems are my way of working through the stuff in my head. Stuff that’s about me. That I’m going through, that I feel, that I don’t even realise I think until it’s there. On the paper, in black and white, for me to read and discover. My own form of really, really self involved therapy.
So why do I share them?
For a long time I didn’t. Or I would only share a very select few pieces with a very select few people…and it didn’t help. I never figured out the things I needed to and I never got past the ‘issues’. But I’ve discovered something over the past couple of years, that the internet can be a wonderful thing in so many ways, and one of those ways for me is to make the world a much smaller place. It allows me to connect with people I care deeply about, as well as to learn and grow. I’ve read many things in that time that have helped me to grow, and some of those things were other peoples explorations of their own feelings. Their own mind ramblings that just resonated with me…for me…helped me. And I guess I want to do the same for someone else. Even If it’s just one person that reads what I’ve written and it helps them to feel just a little bit better that day…then my work—as they say—is done.
So as screwed up as things are, my advice is this write. Write it down and let it all out. You don’t have to show those words to anyone, you don’t even have to keep them if you don’t want, just let them all out of your brain…just let them fly.
Graham Greene said it best;
“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation.”