In my last blog I told you that I had recently learned of the death of my friends mother and buried my partners grandfather. The part that was also driving me insane…the part that I hadn’t been ready to face then…was about the lump I had found in my breast.
Well, this weekend I faced that.
I got angry.
I got numb.
I cried again.
I convinced myself I’m a hypochondria and that there’s really nothing there.
Then I convince myself that whatever is there is truly nothing to worry about.
Then that word pops into my head and I get scared again.
Lumps equals fear.
And the word I won’t say–because it isn’t going to be that.
I went to the doctors today and she has referred me to the breast clinic. So now I do the thing we Brits do…I wait.
I wait. And I go crazy…just a little bit more everyday.
And that shadow keeps hanging over me.