The bad weekend and the shadow

In my last blog I told you that I had recently learned of the death of my friends mother and buried my partners grandfather. The part that was also driving me insane…the part that I hadn’t been ready to face then…was about the lump I had found in my breast.

Well, this weekend I faced that.

I cried.

I got angry.

I got numb.

I cried again.

And again.

I convinced myself I’m a hypochondria and that there’s really nothing there.

Then I convince myself that whatever is there is truly nothing to worry about.

Then that word pops into my head and I get scared again.

Lumps equals fear.

The unknown.

And the word I won’t say–because it isn’t going to be that.

I went to the doctors today and she has referred me to the breast clinic. So now I do the thing we Brits do…I wait.

I wait. And I go crazy…just a little bit more everyday.

And that shadow keeps hanging over me.

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2 Responses to The bad weekend and the shadow

  1. elizabeth gajewski riggin says:

    So sorry to hear about the deaths of your friend and your partners father. May they R I P I will pray for you so everything turns out ok at the doctors…Your poems were amazing. Thank you!

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