It’s been five days since I last posted a blog. Quite a while for me. Lol. You may be wondering why…or you might not…but I’m gonna tell you anyway.
I’ve been writing. A lot. Working on my new manuscript.
But I’ve also been learning a whole lot more. And I’ve come to a conclusion.
I cannot control or really affect what other people think or believe about me. Those who know me well know the kind of person I am, the values that I hold sacred, and the way I treat other people. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect. Far from it. I can be selfish, forgetful, lazy sometimes, and I make my share of mistakes. I’m human.
But I also like to think I have a certain amount of integrity. Now perhaps I’m wrong, but I think the people who know me well, know this–know me–and would trust that I would never act in a way that was malicious, harmful to someone I cared about, or contrary to what I have said I was going to do.
I’m talking in riddles again, I realise, so let me see if I can make this clearer with an example.
A friend of mine is struggling through a difficult time, and for reasons I don’t understand fully, someone in her life feels that I’m the cause if this. Despite having removed myself completely from my friends life I am still being contacted by the person who blames me for their problems. I have never met this person. I have never done anything to her that could cause her harm. And I have not responded to any of her attempts to draw me into the situation in anyway. Ever. Because I believe doing so would make this situation worse for my friend, and their relationship is their business…not mine.
A mutual friend informed me yesterday that my friend actually believed that I had responded to her partners communications to me. That I had effectively torpedoed their relationship and caused my friend more pain.
And I have to be honest.
It made me angry. It made me cry. And it made me feel that this ‘friend’ obviously didn’t know me as well as I thought. It also makes me feel vilified for a crime I haven’t committed.
But somewhere around four o’clock this morning–it could have been five–I had something of an epiphany. As much as I wish I could change the way people see or think of me. That childish dream I still entertain that everyone like me. I can’t. The hearts and minds of others are beyond my control.
All I can change is how I see myself.
I’m proud of how I’ve handled myself in this situation.
I know that as painful as it has been sometimes, I have done the right thing every step of the way.
I have proved to myself that I am stronger than I thought I was, I have more integrity than I realised, and I have every reason to hold my head high.
I’ve read a lot of things about people coming into your life for different reasons. Some you teach lessons too, and some teach you.
Thank you for the lesson. I hope you learn yours soon.